Does Coaching Encourage Self Sabotage?

 

Do you know what I can’t stand about the personal development industry?

It’s the potential for coaches to exploit the trust that they cultivate in order to build up unrealistic expectations in a client – all for the purposes of extracting their cash.

I call them the ‘YOU CAN DO THIS’ Brigade. Rather than develop a proper relationship, they  pump up vulnerable people with unrealistic expectations and send them out with a distinct possibility that they will fail, because they haven’t put the work into their clients that they should.

Many coaches set incredibly unrealistic expectations and monitor them at a micro level. In my view, extending the m message that they can become ‘new’ overnight is a dangerous fallacy.

And of course, vulnerable people may fall for this quite badly., becoming convinced they ‘aren’t trying’ and so step up higher and higher (and higher) until, their fall may be fatal to their self-esteem. Healthy ambition can be pushed into a dangerous fixation by an unscrupulous coach who has never taken the time to truly get to know their client.

Having an ambition and having a dangerous fixation can appear similar on the surface, as both involve a strong focus on achieving a particular goal. However, there are distinct differences between the two, primarily concerning the intensity, adaptability, and impact on one's well-being and relationships. Here's a breakdown of the disparities:

Ambition is a positive trait such as a strong desire to achieve success, often accompanied by dedication, hard work, and perseverance. Ambitious individuals are usually open to adapting their goals and strategies based on changing circumstances or feedback.

Dangerous Fixation: A dangerous fixation, on the other hand, involves an obsessive and rigid attachment to a specific goal or outcome. Ambition allows for flexibility and adjustment, but a fixation can lead to tunnel vision, where the individual becomes single-mindedly focused on the goal to the exclusion of all else.

Ambitious individuals typically maintain a healthy balance between pursuing their goals and taking care of their physical, emotional, and social well-being. They recognize the importance of self-care and strive for a harmonious life.

Dangerous Fixation: A dangerous fixation can have detrimental effects on one's well-being. Fixated individuals may neglect self-care, relationships, and other important aspects of life in their quest for achievement.

Ambitious individuals are often self-aware and capable of evaluating their goals and motivations critically. They are willing to reassess their objectives and adjust their approach if necessary. They understand the importance of balance and are mindful of the potential consequences of their actions.

Dangerous Fixation: Individuals with a dangerous fixation dismiss concerns raised by others, ignore warning signs of imbalance, and persist in their pursuit despite evidence suggesting that it's harmful.

Recognizing the signs that someone may have crossed the line into fixation include:

Ignoring or dismissing feedback or concerns from others.

Obsessively pursuing a goal at the expense of personal relationships, health, or other important areas of life.

Demonstrating inflexibility and an inability to adapt or consider alternative paths.

Exhibiting signs of stress, anxiety, or burnout that are directly linked to the pursuit of the goal.

Engaging in risky or unethical behaviour to achieve the desired outcome.

Ultimately, individuals who possess healthy ambition are driven by a desire for personal growth and fulfillment, whereas those with a dangerous fixation may be driven by fear, insecurity, or an unhealthy need for validation.

Photo by  Kvnga on Unsplash